Things my children are allergic to:

They must be. Otherwise they would not have such trouble with the following items:

• Turning off lights in an unoccupied room. "Hey! I'm paying for that. Do you think I'm made of money?"
• Closing the outside doors. Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
• Putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Although they are frequently found 2 inches away from said basket.
• Putting clean clothes in the appropriate drawer. Somehow, they end up in a pile in front of the dresser.
• Locating backpacks and other necessary school items. But only when it is time for us to leave . . . 10 minutes ago!
• Flushing. Always a fun surprise.
• Getting both shoes put away in the same location. For some reason, one shoe seems to walk itself into the middle of the room. Backpacks also must be ambulatory.
• Looking under beds for any misplaced item. The beds in our home seem to be black holes that the children are afraid to go near, lest they get sucked into the bottomless vacuum.

I have been told that children can outgrow allergies and I hope this is the case with my children. If not, I am crossing my fingers for a vaccine.